Nicole vs. Life
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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