addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
