quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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