pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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