Apparently you make a good broom.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
