i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
