How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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