yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
