i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
