my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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