well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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