I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
