I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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