JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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