Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
