his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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