Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
