Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
