I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
