I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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