Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
