Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
