just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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