I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize