1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
