She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
