if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize