My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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