if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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