Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
