How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
