Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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