She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
