Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
