just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
