Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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