I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
