Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
