I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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