Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize