That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize