I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
