Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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