he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
