Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
