you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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