May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
