She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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