she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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