I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
