Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
