The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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