i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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