well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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