Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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