ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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