My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
