i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
