im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
