I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You're like the curious george of whores
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
