I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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