Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's Friday. Sex?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
