During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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