I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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