go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
