My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
