i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
