Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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