The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
