i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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