when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
