i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
