It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
