Sponge bath it is.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
