I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
