I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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