There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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