i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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