Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
