i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
