The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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