I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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