Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I AM VODKA MAN
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
