I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
