i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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