This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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