Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
