when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
