hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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