I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
