are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
