Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
