we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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