i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize