And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
