I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your penis caused this!
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