i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize