you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
